How To Decorate & Save Your Marriage
Catchy
title – isn’t it? But people don’t
seriously jeopardize their marriage by undertaking a home improvement
decorating project – or do they? Just
how much resentment can a husband and wife build up if one or the other is
resistant to change, spending money, or cleaning up their space? Everyone
has their own comfort zone and if one is pushed too far out of it,
there are definitely repercussions.
As a
designer for well over 30 years, I have encountered situations bordering on the
bizarre (one husband had a single key made, wore it around his neck and locked
up his impossibly cluttered office so no one could get in to clean, organize or
decorate). This is not to say that the husband is always the clutterer or pack
rat. There is often a “Felix” and an “Oscar” in the same household and we never
know who it will be.
Many times,
I have acted as the mediator to avoid serious problems with my personal design
clients. This gives each a safety net, a way to compromise gracefully. People
are then forced to “ drop the baggage” of other issues and disputes and stick
to the business at hand.
I thought
you might like to share some of my strategies for success in getting a design
project off the ground when two people don’t always agree. Here are some tips
on keeping conflicts to a minimum.
·
Broach the subject when both parties can listen to one
another (no screaming babies, football game commercials or when you’re late for
work).
·
Find a common ground for agreement, even if
you have to start with generalities.
·
Make an appointment to sit down and make a plan, or
better yet, walk through the house and then sit down and make a plan.
·
List the things you would both like to do
and establish priorities. ( Here’s where the fun begins.) He might
want a media or pool room, you a new kitchen or bedroom.
·
Priorities and parameters for a design
project can always be adjusted based on need and cost. (While you
are disagreeing about which project should go first, two kitchen
appliances may expire and that might give you your instant
priority.)
·
Do some homework. Get some real information
to do the job and get estimates and time frame for your project. You
could even call me or one of my design team for your special $
200.00 consult to help you make a good choice. Here’s a cute story:
A really lovely couple invited me in to their home only last week
for a consult. It was a large house with a two-story entry. That’s
where we started sharing ideas and suggestions. I noticed a
beautiful chandelier hanging up too high and looking too small for
the space. When I mentioned this to the wife she said, “Oh, no – we
can’t touch that – it’s my husbands’ favorite piece. He picked it
out and hung it. He’d never let me change it”. As we walked through
the rest of the rooms, the happy husband arrived-just in time to
help me move some furniture and we all continued the tour of the
house. By the time we entered the dining room, husband and wife were
both happy with the changes we made. Husband observed that the
fixture over the dining room table needed to be replaced, at which
point I suggested using the foyer fixture. There was a pregnant
pause as wife and I looked at each other whereupon husband promptly
replied: “Great idea.” The point of this tale-assume nothing when a
qualified third party arrives.
·
Assess what you have that both want to keep,
and access what each of you individually wants to retain as well.
Share the reasons and respect each other’s feelings. There’s always
a place for something special to someone, even if it’s not the place
they thought it should go.
·
In order to decorate, you must clean up the
clutter. Easy to say – hard to do. This issue can be the very reason
a design plan gets sidetracked. Remember, “Felix” cannot throw out
“Oscar’s” things while he is off to work or away for a weekend
business trip. On the other hand, “Oscar” should not expect everyone
in the household, as well as visitors, to be subjected to his mess.
If the partner’s offer to help is the worst thing for
marriage-saving, get a third party to assist even if you have to pay
them. (You’d be surprised-cleaning is contagious-once you start, you
may not stop)
·
Make a budget and make it realistic. Don’t
forget sales tax, labor charges and other eventualities that may
occur.
·
Investigate lines of credit and home equity
loans. There has never been a better time to make other peoples’
money work for you. (Check out our Natalie Weinstein Home Decorating
Club mortgage company.)
·
Share the responsibilities equitably. Agree that the
person with more time has to scope out the project but that both partners must
shop to approve final choices. (No sofas, chairs or beds should be bought
without physically trying them out to make sure each one is comfortable)
Most
important: Try to have a little fun.
Look for
the joy in planning something that will benefit your family and home for a long
time. (A vacation may last two weeks, but a new bedroom set with a great new
mattress may give you years of pleasure and many good night’s sleep)
Know that having done something good for your home will also
be doing something good for you – It will truly make you feel better
about yourself.
Lighten up and use the shared experience as a means of
bringing two people closer together in a better environment
because that’s what your home is all
about.
Natalie Weinstein
| 
